"Phil
of the Future"
Script
Episode: "Raging
Bull"
Premiered: Friday, July 2nd,
2004 on Disney Channel
CAST
FOR THIS EPISODE
Phil
Diffy ... Ricky Ullman
Lloyd
Diffy ... Craig Anton
Barbara
Diffy ... Lise Simms
Pim
Diffy ... Amy Bruckner
Curtis
the Caveman ... J.P. Manoux
Keely
Teslow ... Alyson Michalka
Myron ... Jeff
D’Agostino
Frankie ... Charles
Duckworth
Miss
Winston ... Suzanne Krull
Miss
Mayberry ... Kelli McCarty
WORD OF WARNING || PLEASE READ CAREFULLY >>
The following script, composed by me (Sayuri/Chrystie), is copyright material
of ME. In other words, I own this
completely. However, this is not the exact duplicated script
of the official “Phil of the Future” crew, cast, and
authority—such as producers and directors...that is what I do not own. The script you are about to view was
influenced by the actions of the cast and is as close to verbatim as
possible. I try and research
guest-star character names, and other words of concern, to see how they are
spelled. This is why the script
below should not be considered official.
The script should only be used as a reference to fans. It took me an awful long time and a
chunk of my schedule to complete these scripts. Please treat me and my works with
respect by crediting me if you want to use these on your fan sites. YOU
MUST BE GRANTED PERMISSION, PERSONALLY BY ME, FIRST. Email me at this address for the request
to use these scripts: sayuri@kuroi-hoshi.org. Then, you may link my website to show
credit: http://sayuri.kuroi-hoshi.org. Thank you, and enjoy “Phil of the
Future”!
Also ... >> Words that have asterisks (*)
next to them indicate that these may not be the correct words, phrases, spelling
of a name, etc. Anything that has
brackets [like this] means that there is an explanation for the matter. Sometimes the actors speak too fast or
mumble so that it is very hard to decipher what they are saying at times. It’s not noticeable when you’re
watching it for fun; but, when you do projects like these, you begin to realize
how hard it really is! Hey, I try
my best! It’s so hard to be a
fan! J
---
Intro/Scene
1 – H.G. Wells Jr./
Keely: Phil, Phil,
Phil! There’s a big
teacher’s conference at lunch today, so we’re all allowed to go off
campus for lunch!
Phil: I know; it was
on the morning announcements. I was
the one who read it on the morning announcements...you were there.
Keely: Oh,
that’s right! I guess I was
all wrapped up thinking about where I wanted to go. What do you think—burritos, sushi?
Phil (proudly): How about French fries? Real
French fries.
Keely (shrugs): Sure. (cut
to scene with Keely and Phil
on the futuristic “Skayak”
[pronounced: sky-yak, like a kayak to fly through the sky—it can take
them anywhere in the world with ease] passing
by the
Phil: Hah! They’ll report a UFO and
nobody’ll believe ‘em!
Keely: Let’s go
to
Phil (gasps and points Keely away from him):
What’s that?! (Phil steals Keely’s cannoli out of her hand and eats it
as she looks the other way...Keely looks at him with disbelief that he took it
from her and he replies with a mouth full of the pastry) Mmm, you’re right; they are
awesome. Mmm, great.
>> CUE THEME SONG <<
Scene
2 – Phil and Keely are at their locker—the hallway is deserted.
Phil: So, are you
gonna need your science book today?
Keely: No, but I am
going to need my [name undecipherable] catalogue today. (suddenly
someone slides down the hallway on their stomach...Phil and Keely shrug it off) I have
to pick out a skirt to wear for the dance tonight. (Phil takes out a pair of high heel shoes from
his locker and shows them to Keely) That’s right! I left my heels in your lo— (another
person slides by, Phil and Keely stare, but shrug it off
again and continue talking)
I’m gonna wear ‘em tonight! What time should we get there?
Phil: Let’s
say fashionably early. (a third person slides by, but stops next to
them) Myron, uh, what are you
guys doing?
Myron (stands up and stretches): Ah, just a
little floor-surfin’! The
janitors wax the halls at lunch so it is grade-A primo slidin’ time!
Phil: What’s
the longest slide on record?
Myron: Emily
Terrellton*, April 2nd, 22 lockers. (enter
Frankie)
Frankie: But, Emily was wearing Lycra. (Myron
nods in agreement)
Phil (stands tall and proud): Stand back! (walks
to the beginning of the hallway and cracks his bones/knuckles)
Keely: Go get
‘em, Phil! (Phil lunges and slides down the hall)
Myron: 25 lockers;
that’s a new record...and he keeps going! (Phil
waves confidently to everyone as he keeps
sliding—so much further that he crashes into Miss Mayberry at the end of
the hall and they both end up head to head on the ground)
Phil (looks up): Miss Mayberry...
Miss Mayberry (looks over to Phil): Phil... (Keely, Myron, and the rest the
students walk away trying to avoid getting into trouble) Bad ending to a great slide.
Phil: Thanks. Detention?
Miss Mayberry: Oh yeah.
Scene
3a – Phil, Myron, Frankie, and another boy are peeling potatoes and carrots
in an area outside of the school for detention.
Myron: Okay guys,
great detention story! We were
camping and some strange force lifted my brother, Joey, off the ground and when
he woke up he was wearing swim-fins in a cornfield.
Frankie: Swim-fins,
bro? Oh, now I’m getting
freaked out!
Myron: The
unexplained is all around us, my friends.
You just gotta open your eyes.
Like there could be, uh, an entire civilization on the end of (to Phil)
your carrot!
Phil (examines his carrot for a second): Civilizations. (bites
of the end of his carrot)
Crunchy goodness. (Frankie and Myron laugh)
Frankie: Crunchy
goodness! Man, you’re off-the-park* funny!
Myron (to Phil):
Ah! You should come with us to the
dance tonight. Frankie’s
gonna bring his bull.
Phil: Yeah, right, a
bull. (looks at Frankie as he nods and looks back over to Myron blankly)
Myron: A bull. At a dance! With like chips and punch and
stuff! (laughs)
Frankie: It’s
gonna be hysterical, man! Oh
wait—Phil can’t roll with us—he has his old lady! (Myron
and Frankie laugh) Yeah, man. You and Keely are always at the mall
together. You share a locker with
her...ooh, you guys like, hang out more than my parents. Knock it down, brother!
Myron (to Phil):
Ball and chain, buddy. (Phil looks confused and sits in silence)
Scene
4 – Pim walks into her class very tardy and is listening to
her headphones.
Miss Winston: Pim
Diffy! Fifteen minutes tardy. What’s your excuse this time?
Pim: Uh, long
check-out line at the library?
Hah! How’s that frost
ya?
Miss Winston: Frost ya? I’m sorry, Pim, but I’m not
from Funkytown!
Pim: Too bad; you
should come visit sometime.
Miss Winston: Since my
transfer here, you have been tardy every...single...day. I think it’s time for a
parent-teacher conference. What day
can your Mom and Dad come in?
Pim: They
can’t.
Miss Winston: Then
I’ll come to them!
Tonight—at seven! I
will teach you to be punctual.
Pim: Great! (Miss
Winston winks and clicks her tongue
at Pim, then gets up and walks away...Pim turns to the side and
speaks) We’ll see who
teaches who.
Miss Winston (instantly appears back at Pim’s side): Whom! It’s who teaches whom!
Scene
3b – Phil, Myron, Frankie, and the other boy with them are still
talking in detention among their peeled vegetables.
Myron: Put your dukes
in for tonight! On three say,
“Moo”!
One...two...three! (all the boys yell, and laugh, simultaneously
as put their fists out and playfully punch one another) MOO! (enter
Keely)
Keely: Hey,
Phil! (all the boys stop and go silent) How was detention?
Phil: Uh... (checks
his watch) It’s four
o’clock; you waited for me? (all the boys except Phil get up and leave as he
stays behind to talk with Keely)
Keely: Yeah! Because I wanted you to go with me to
the mall and help pick out something to wear for tonight!
Phil: Y-You did,
huh? (Keely takes off Phil’s
apron for him)
Keely: Look, I was
thinking about it, and I decided I wanted to wear something fun! Something (looking at Phil’s yellow shirt) yellow! A lil’—
Phil: I don’t
think so. Look, about tonight...I
was thinking...I’m gonna go to the dance with the guys. It’s not like we were officially going to the dance together—it’s not like I won’t see you there, right?
Keely: ...Right.
Phil: Right! So uh, so I told them I’d go with
them. Eh, Keel? You ever realize how we kinda spend
every second of every day together?
Keely: We do not!
Phil: Well, if you
think about it, we kinda do—and I’m not saying it’s a bad
thing!
Keely: Really? Well, what’re you saying? Because it sounds sorta mean.
Phil: Look...we
don’t need to make a big deal out of this, all right?
Keely (slightly annoyed, she sighs):
You’re right! You’re so
right! You go with the
guys...and...I’ll go with the girls.
Phil: All
right! So we’re cool?
Keely: Yes! We’re very...cool. (Phil nods and smiles, then walks away. Keely
stands there serious, but a little melancholy as she looks off in the distance)
Scene
5 – The Diffys’ kitchen.
Barbara and Lloyd Diffy are reading a travel guide of
Barbara: What if we go
to
Lloyd: You’re
not gonna get me on a 21st century airplane. Sorry, we’re not going to
Barbara: Right! But I want to do something special for
our anniversary.
Lloyd: I got it, I
got it! What if we just stay here
and watch that exercise show with the cute exercise girls on the beach? (Barbara
eyes him coldly and he looks back up at
her realizing what he said) I
love you, honey, so much.
Barbara (to Pim):
Hey, sweetie. How was school?
Pim: Super! Great! Never been tardy, if that’s what you’re asking! I love my teachers, they love me
back—it’s a stinkin’ love fest! (laughs
nervously and walks into the living room)
Lloyd: So, anyway,
Barbara: She’s
loud.
Scene
6 – The Diffys’ living room.
Curtis is watching television and repeating all of the popular catch
phrases from memorable programs.
TV Male Voice: You got it,
dude!
Curtis (laughs and mimics): You got it, dude!
TV Female Voice: Aye, aye, aye!
Curtis (mimics): Aye, aye, aye! (Pim
sits down on the couch next to him and
eats some of the popcorn he has)
Pim: Pipe down,
primate; I’m trying to hear myself think. I can’t have Miss Winston meet Mom
and Dad. I’ll be grounded for
a year!
TV Male Voice: Who’s
your Daddy?
Curtis (mimics and laughs): Who’s your
Daddy?
Pim: What’d
you say...?
Curtis (laughs and repeats): Who’s your
Daddy?
Pim (sly grin): You’re my Daddy.
Curtis: Aye, aye,
aye! (laughs and Pim smugly
smiles to herself)
Scene
7a – H.G. Wells Jr./
Phil: Are you guys,
uh, sure this isn’t dangerous?
Frankie: Relax,
man! Carmen’s a sweetie.
Phil: All
right. I’ll go check to see
if the coast is clear. (fans his nose briefly) Whoo! Man, that’s a stinky bull. (he
walks to where the entrance the of the dance is ... Keely walks over with three
other girls she is talking to—she is well aware Phil is standing nearby) Hey, Keel!
Keely (looks straight at Phil and turns back to Margot
then purposely speaks loud enough for Phil to hear): To answer your question,
Margot, it’s so nice to go to
the party with just the girls! I
mean, I was this close to going with
an insensitive clod! (laughs and turns to look at Phil in a cheerful, yet vindictive, way) Oh—hey, Phil! (Phil
glances back at her with an annoyed
expression and Keely continues to stare at him until she walks
through the doors)
Phil: ...All right,
guys. The coast is clear. Bring him in.
Myron: Okay, when I
count to three, open the gym doors and let the fun begin! One...two...three! (the
bull idles at the doorway snorting)
Phil: H-Hey, uh,
Carmen doesn’t look too friendly.
(the bull roars wildly and starts
getting restless)
Frankie: C-Carmen
is. I just realized that’s
not Carmen...that’s Carmen’s twin brother, Ramón!
Myron: RUN! (all
the boys run through the halls as the bull begins to chase them ... Frankie and the other boy run up the stairs, but Phil lingers midway on the
steps as Myron proceeds to be chased by Ramón ... Phil goes back to try to help him)
Help, help! Somebody help me! Somebody! I’m trapped!
Phil: Myron, you
okay? (Myron is cornered up against
a wall by the bull)
Myron:
Phil...Phil! Phil, I’m gonna
get trampled! Phil, do something! (Phil
pulls out his transformer gadget from
his pocket and morphs the bull into a kitten right in front of Myron’s eyes—he rubs his eyes in disbelief and Phil
nervously looks at Myron)
>> CUE COMMERCIAL BREAK <<
Scene
7b – This scene leaves off from the end of 7a.
Myron: Well, what do
you mean you didn’t see anything?!
How could you not? I mean, there-there was a light beam
there and the-the bull...it turned into th-th-this kitten!
Phil: Oh,
kitten! Yeah, I know—I saw
that! He was cute. Um, no biggy! So, gonna go grab some punch at the
party?
Myron: No, no! We gotta tell somebody! The newspaper—the cops!
Phil: No, we
can’t! (he quickly changes his worried expression into a beaming, innocent
smile)
Myron (squints at Phil suspiciously):
You’re hidin’ something, aren’t you? (Phil
shakes his head slightly and faintly
mouths “no”)
I’m outta here, Diff-o.
Scene
8 – The Diffys’ backyard.
Pim decorated it for her parents’ anniversary in
a vibrant Hawaiian theme.
Pim: Aloha! Happy Anniversary! I know you two wanted to go to
Barbara: Oh,
honey! This is the sweetest gift in
the whole world! (both she and her husband marvel at it all
and go to sit in the lounge chairs)
Pim: Now, for the
next two hours, I want you to stay right here. And if you need my services, just blow
on this shell. (blows into the shell and makes an example of
what it sounds like) That way,
you’ll never have to go inside the house. (the
doorbell rings) Oh, I’ll
go get that! (turns on some Hawaiian music)
Aloha! (waves to her parents and walks into the house)
Barbara: Lloyd, do you
smell something fishy?
Lloyd: I think
it’s the pooh-pooh platter.
To us! (toasts his coconut drink)
Barbara (toasts as well): To us!
Scene
9a – Inside the Diffys’ home, mostly the living room area. The doorbell is ringing continuously
before Pim is ready to answer.
Pim: Okay, Dad,
it’s show time! Let’s
go over our signals. I pull my ear,
you say what?
Curtis: You got it,
dude!
Pim: Good! And this? (Pim
puts her finger on her nose)
Curtis: She did what
now?
Pim: And this? (Pim
rubs her stomach)
Curtis: Clamp it,
Pim: Good
Daddy! (feeds Curtis a treat) Good, good boy. (finally
answers the door) Hello, Miss
Winston! How are you? Miss Winston, I’d like you to meet
my Dad!
Miss Winston: It’s a
pleasure to meet you, Mr. Diffy.
Curtis (looks at Pim blankly and she tugs on
her ear): You got it, dude! (Pim and
Miss Winston laugh uneasily)
Scene
7c – Same as 7a and b.
Hallway nearby the gymnasium doors.
Phil: Myron, wait!
Myron (turns around to Phil): Diffy, I know what I saw back there. (as
Myron turns forward again, Phil unleashes a gadget on Myron that makes him appear lethargic and comatose ... Phil
catches him as he falls back and supports him up against the lockers while
putting sunglasses over his eyes)
Phil (is startled as he turns to see his teacher): Hello,
Miss Mayberry!
Miss Mayberry: Phil. Uh, shouldn’t you two boys be at the
dance instead of wandering the halls?
Phil: Yes, but Myron
here was getting his groove on and he was got a little hot! So uh, we came out here to cool him
off. (takes Myron’s hand and uses it as a fan)
Miss Mayberry: Mmm-hmm,
okay... (watches them intently as she slowly walks down the hall)
Phil: All right, try
not to look too comatose. Better
cross your arms. Okay. (Myron’s body slumps downward after Phil
manipulates his arms) Get
up. (Phil lifts Myron’s body back his previous position) Stay! Good boy... (slowly
walks backward examining Myron, he realizes he’s going to stay put in
the position he’s in now, and he turns around to head towards the gym)
Scene
9b – Same as 9a. Pim and Miss Winston
are sitting on one couch together, and Curtis on the couch across—this is so that Pim can pass
signals to Curtis.
Miss Winston: Mr. Diffy,
every student during the semester is allowed to be tardy twice. (Curtis
grunts) Your daughter has been tardy thirty-nine...times. (Pim taps
her chin)
Curtis: Aye, aye, aye!
Miss Winston: Good! Then we’re on the same page. (the
shell sounds are heard from outside)
Good gravy, what was that?
Pim: That was our
elephant, Skippy! I better go check
on him.
Curtis: Bleepy...
Pim (to Miss
Winston): You can read quietly while I’m gone. (hands
Miss Winston a magazine) Just read
quietly. (to Curtis) Read quietly while I’m away,
Dad! (throws a magazine at him)
Read quietly! Just
read...quietly! (walks out to the backyard to accommodate her
parents) Who blew?
Lloyd: I did! We’re out of coconut milk.
Pim: Coconut
milk—I’m on it. (Barbara gets up in her hula dance
costume) Ah—Mom, wh-where
are you going?
Barbara: Into the house
for the Wizard. We were talking
about hula dancing and I want to show your father a hologram on how it’s
done.
Pim: Sit! I’ll do it, I’ll do it. (turns
up the Hawaiian music and begins to hula dance sequence for her parents at a
very quick tempo) See ya! (rushes
back into the house)
Scene
7d – Keely and Phil walk out of the gym doors and into the hallway
again.
Keely (sarcastic, cheerful tone): Emergency,
huh? Jeez, why don’t you ask
your buddies, the boys, to help you?
Phil: Ah, yeah,
well, that’s kind of the problem here... (they
walk up to where Myron is still against the lockers)
Keely (reaches to take off Myron’s sunglasses but Phil
thwarts her hand): Oh, Myron, wearing your sunglasses indoors is so not
cool anymore.
Phil: Uh, Keel, he
can’t hear you. He’s
catatonic; I cut his anguish* [very
unsure about this asterisked word] out with my Wizard.
Keely: Holy cow!
Phil: Bull,
actually. It was a bull...I had to
morph a giant bull that was chasing us.
Long story—don’t ask.
And now I don’t know what to do because, once I zap him back,
he-he’s going to put two and two together and figure out that I’m
from the future.
Keely: So
what’re we going to do?
Phil: I don’t
know yet. For now, let’s get
him out of here—and grab an arm.
Got him? (Keely takes one side and Phil takes the other and has Myron’s back to the gym doors)
Keely: Got him! (they
suddenly drop Myron to the
floor) Ooh...don’t got
him. (they bend down and struggle to get him back up—meanwhile, Conga
music has become louder and louder and a Conga line has come out of the gym
doors behind them) What’s
that? (Myron then gets swept up from
Keely and Phil’s hold and becomes the leader of the
Conga line—still
unconscious—Phil and Keely
stand there dumbfounded, but then join
the Conga line at the end)
Scene
9c – Same as 9a and b. Curtis is licking Miss Winston’s
purse—it is has a banana and apple pattern on it.
Pim: This has been
a very productive get-together!
Miss Winston (sweetly): Right! Why is your
father...tasting...my handbag?
Pim: Oh, you know
how Dads are! They love...tastin’
stuff! (Curtis bites off a banana
charm)
Miss Winston: I’ve had
enough! (Curtis takes the banana out
of his mouth and offers it to her)
No! This meeting is
officially over! (Pim walks
Miss Winston to the front door)
Curtis: Aye, aye,
aye! (Keely and Phil have Myron’s arms around their shoulders as they
lug him through the door)
Phil (looks up to see the teacher standing there):
Oh! Hello, Miss Winston!
Miss Winston: Phil!
Phil: Ah, you
remember Keely; and, this is Myron—he won’t be talking right
now. He’s deep in thought.
Keely: Yeah,
he’s trying to think of the capital of
Miss Winston (ecstatic):
Phil: Ah, well,
I’d have to take a rain check, right? (Keely
waves Myron’s hand) Right! (Phil
nods and smiles and they keep going up
the stairs. Pim and
Miss Winston turn to the door as Lloyd
and Barbara suddenly appear at
the front door)
Pim: Hi, Mister and
Missus Fenton! (to Miss
Winston) Our neighbors. (to
her parents) Tomorrow is bridge night!
Barbara: Pim, why did
you lock the back door?
Lloyd: And
who’s this? And why is
Curtis—Uncle Curtis—wearing my sweater and my fancy pants?
Barbara: I think
someone’s in a whole lot of
trouble.
Curtis: Aye, aye,
aye! (Pim feeds Curtis a treat)
Scene
10 – Phil’s bedroom. They make a plan to make Myron think
they were abducted by aliens as they zap him back to normal with the Wizard.
Phil (pokes Myron): Okay, all right, are you ready?
Keely: Let’s do
it. (lays down on Phil’s bed ... Phil slumps himself down in a
chair and zaps Myron back)
Myron (nudges them): Oh, Diffy! Teslow! Dudes, wake up!
Phil: What
happened? Where are we?
Myron: I don’t
know! The last thing I remember was
the bull became a kitten...and I was talking to you and—
Phil: Yes,
that’s the same thing I remember!
BAM-O!
Keely: Then I’m
not the only one who saw it?
Phil: Saw what?
Keely: I was standing
outside the school and I saw this big glowing disc; and, then a light beam shot
through the school and it went right into it!
Phil: Oh, please, Keely...
Myron: No, no,
no! Dude, she might be right! I told ya there was a lot of weird stuff
that’s been going on.
Keely: Yup, mmm-hmm,
I know what you’re saying!
Phil: You know
what? Everything that I’ve
ever heard about aliens tells me that they always leave something of a mark
or-or a... (gasps as he looks at his palm
... Keely looks at her palm and notices the same thing)
Keely: I’ve
been marked, too... (Keely and Phil show the marks on their palms to Myron—they are black and look triangular with three dots outside the left
side and a line through them)
Phil (whispers): Myron, check your hand. (Myron
looks at his palm—the mark is
there, too—but he is skeptical)
Myron: Wait a minute;
this doesn’t look alien to me.
Plus, they wouldn’t use a marker. (Phil
and Keely immediately put their
hands down and display innocent expressions) But something weird did happen and
I’m gonna find out what it is!
(Myron randomly looks down at his feet and gasps) Swim-fins...horse cakes...we were
abducted! (Phil and Keely ad-lib with things like: “Shh! Quiet! You want anybody to find out about
this?”)
Keely (sighs): Okay, I won’t tell a soul.
Myron: Okay, me
neither! Dukes in! (they
all put their fists together)
“Zip it” on three!
One...two...three!
All: ZIP IT!
Myron: Cool! I’m out. (playfully
punches them both as he leaves ... he turns around and says one last
“Shh” and he trudges off)
Phil (to Keely):
Ah, thanks for giving me a hand tonight.
Keely: Yeah, well, no
problem.
Phil: And uh,
I’m sorry about ditching you at the dance.
Keely: Yeah, what was
that about?
Phil: Well, I
don’t know. All the guys were
giving me all this business about how much time we spend together and I guess I
let it get to me. I probably
shouldn’t have.
Keely: I get it. You need to have more friends than just
me. (Phil awkwardly tilts his head
and Keely stares in silence for a moment, too)
Phil: Well,
c’mon, we can still catch the last dance.
Keely: Oh, it’s
okay; we don’t have to.
Phil: Well,
uh... (looks down to see the kitten in front of him) Yeah...yeah we do. Still have some unfinished business to
attend to...
Keely: Oh. (Phil
morphs the kitten back into a bull with
the Wizard) Maybe you shoulda
zapped it outside?
Phil: Oh, uh...look
out below, bull coming through! (the bull crashes down the stairs and ceiling)
Curtis: Aye, aye, aye!
>> CUE LAST COMMERCIAL BREAK <<
Ending
Scene/Scene 11 - Miss Winston’s classroom. Pim is in her pajamas outside of a small tent she
made—she is reading magazines/newspapers.
Miss Winston: My word! Pim Diffy! What are you doing here?
Pim: T